This is pretty much a dolled-up copy/paste from my post on Reddit. I came out pretty abruptly this summer, and things got exceptionally cranked up in August when my parents reacted exactly as I expected. It really lit a fire under me. I couldn't file for a legal name change fast enough, and I feel I have absolutely stripped off the shackles that kept me as a fraction of myself for my entire life. I have since been working incredibly hard at advocating for trans rights in quite a few situations, and so far, I am pretty proud of myself. I've found most of my time over the past few months on r/Twitter. For example, I don't have r/Facebook or r/Instagram accounts, and I ended up in the middle of a rather serious project.
Ultimately, I've got three goals I'd like to accomplish as part of my journey. My first goal is based on my belief that we are long overdue for visible r/trans inclusivity in r/sports, and by that, I mean have dialogue present regarding rules, policies, divisions, insurance, and so on explaining that divisions are based on r/gender identity & expression, not biological sex. That said, I am aware of the fluidity of that statement and understand there are times the interest of competitiveness or player safety physiological factors need to be considered, especially at elite-level play or in sports where weight classes matter. Overall, there is no reason otherwise why trans r/athletes should be prevented from or discriminated against competing in a division that is in line with their preferred gender identity and/or expression.
I've got a thread that I'm using to keep some awareness up, particularly relating to Sport Manitoba (while it also was a retweet throwing a bit of shade to a local radio station hiring a known transphobic radio host who is a member of our queer community has endorsed.
This radio station insists it will continue to be one of Winnipeg's strongest media allies to the LGBTQ community. *sorrywhat.gif*
I'll get back to the radio station in a bit. That thread also dropped a note to Slo-Pitch National regarding their rules and where trans athletes are to fall in with their verbiage.
I'm happy to report that unlike the bureaucratic approach I feel I received from Sport Manitoba, Slo-Pitch National was almost immediately engaged after a few tweet attempts went their way. I had an absolutely wonderful conversation with Trish, and I strongly believe we will be having more follow-up conversations about how to implement things effectively, assertively, competitively, and in a way that prevents abuse.
If I can help encourage programs to start having more visible acknowledgment of trans athletes and having inclusive dialogue and programming in their systems, that will do nothing but benefit one of the core obstacles about trans people in general: awareness. That verbiage can introduce conversations earlier, end controversies sooner, offer courage and support to trans people from children to adults that they have a welcoming place to belong, provide an improved fundamental understanding that people are different and to open minds and hearts about it, and even to improve demographics so that better social, medical, educational, and r/mentalhealth services can become available.
As a matter of fact, my second goal is to be at least considered for the Order of Manitoba. I never thought about it before, but I remember coming across it at some point and thought, "Screw this. I'm earning it." The province established the Order of Manitoba to recognize individuals who have demonstrated excellence and achievement in any field of endeavour, benefiting the social, cultural, or economic well-being of r/Manitoba and its residents outstandingly. I feel that if I continue to work as hard as I can to break barriers, raise awareness and continue to denounce injustice against not only r/transgender Manitobans but transgender people as a whole, the least I could hope for is to be thought of when it's time to think of who helps make Manitoba be a better place. Personally, I've suffered a walled-up life for pretty much 39 years, and if I can do my part to ensure that no person has to feel like they need to be anyone but their authentic and best selves, I will pull out every stop that I can because unless you're trans, you don't get what it's like.
A rather surreal experience that reminded me that I'm on course to my goal lately was having a conversation with the national director of the Run for Women! It started after I pinned a note on my Twitter profile which eventually led to an amazing response and a subsequent Zoom session with Ted and Stephanie. Hearing the interest, recognition, and commitment to make the Run for Women a more welcoming and inclusive event for all r/women was exciting, and being asked to be kept in touch with during the progress has felt immensely meaningful.
I feel I have really taken advocacy for trans rights seriously ever since I came out, leading to the third goal that I currently have. I feel I am on a path of creating a legacy, and I can only hope that someday people will hear my name and immediately recognize my effort to raise awareness and help normalize the belonging of trans people in a predominantly cisnormative world. Sometimes it feels petty, but I would absolutely love to get verified by Twitter at some point because of that. Even though blue isn't my favourite colour, I feel it would look great beside my name. I feel it's a great way to suggest that I know what I'm doing, and I'm not taking any of this lightly at all.
When I came out as abruptly as I did, it was with the full intention to raise awareness and educate, especially using the element of shock to prompt reflections into the minds of others. I came out right after George Floyd was murdered because our planet was reeling on yet another example that if you're not White and Right, you're fighting for a place to coexist. Minority groups all over the planet, and obviously the Black community at large, were screaming for reforms to improve diversity, equity, and r/Inclusion. To eliminate r/racism. To eliminate discrimination. I felt there was no better time to capture that momentum. After I came out, I lost track of the number of times someone would say that they had no idea, and rightfully so. I began to come out socially on my 39th birthday, so the only person most people ever knew or recognized was a white, athletic, 39-year-old r/Canadian male for all intents and purposes. I was as close to the top of the food chain that someone could really get. I bled privilege that I didn't even want because it was nothing but imbued irony because it would almost all be erased if I allowed myself to be vulnerable and authentic.
Becoming vulnerable and authentic is exactly what I chose to do. I didn't do that necessarily because I wanted to, and it certainly wasn't because I was ready to, but I had no choice except that I HAD to. As a person, I am far too strong, far too vocal, far too educated, and far too articulated to stay quiet any longer. I know I've got the skillset and r/resilience to help make the world a better place, and if anything, I feel guilty for not allowing myself to start working on it years earlier. Even as I write about this life update, I think about a blog post that an ally wrote about me and to this day am so humbled about it. More than ever, I have felt like I'm making a difference instead of being a burden, and it inspires me to keep pushing forward.
I've alluded to it a couple of times already, and one of the biggest missions I have been on lately is advocating on the absolute faux pas of a local radio station hiring someone who has said dehumanizing things about transgender people, has not shown public atonement for it and then being protected by the radio station while they affirm to be r/LGBTQ+ allies. One of the biggest reasons I am invested in this is because of the message sent to minority communities across the board: If you are privileged, you are protected. The message that forgiveness is to be expected of the victims instead of earned by the offenders really sums up segregation, discrimination, and overall mental health challenges in a nutshell.
On a note, I really appreciate seeing Dave take the opportunity to monetize and publicize the situation for his own benefit instead of humanizing it as he should have handled it. This is no different from Energy's "first episode" with Dave on-air, encouraging the community to tune in and listen.
I've used this as an example before to explain the severity of the pain that this community has felt because of Dave, and this example is said in a way that more people can better comprehend: If you were raped, but then your rapist emailed you and offered to apologize yet you would need to go to your rapist's house to hear it, would you go?
The complete dehumanization performed by Dave at that example in the past and Energy 106 FM's current model truly underlines they are not fit to be seen close to a word as powerful as allyship.
Personally, I felt my drive for this situation really light up after Energy 106 FM posted their "Official Statement," which for the record was Friday, August 28, at 9:00 PM. Only recently, in a meeting that I had with Adam West, their Program Director, they had the intention of posting that late largely due to Facebook algorithms. I had to answer that considering the controversy regarding the message, Energy 106 FM could have addressed the concern with an explanation instead of ignoring the call-outs. Another interesting take in that same meeting was that they were waiting for that memo to be vetted by one transgender person, which I learned after asking whom the "numerous meaningful and significant conversations" involved because I can't imagine a single resource center in r/Winnipeg that would have given this hire the green light. Regardless, I had no problem expressing my thoughts about the situation and decided to keep my eye on it since then.
One of the reasons I struggled to feel comfortable coming out was that I wasn't ready to be as loud as I knew I was capable of being. For at least half my life, I've felt that people like me needed a warrior to be there for them. I wanted to be that warrior, but I did not feel like I was capable of the fight. As much as I knew I was already being suffocated, I needed to know I could be there for others. It took me a long time, but when I finally found it in me, I have never been more proud to be myself and fight for my community.
r/Allyship isn't a part-time job. It is like being that warrior I mentioned. It doesn't necessarily mean you're looking for a fight, but you must be ready to go to battle when the time comes. I wasn't ready to fight for myself before. Today, I fight for change.
Twitter certainly was a hotbed after Energy decided to release their "Official Statement," affirming their belief that their hire was the right decision. There were links and stories and updates and advocates and affirmations from all angles, even on the other side of the ocean.
After realizing how many stories and concerns there were, I decided to make my path of advocacy easier to follow, literally, and I did that by creating a thread on Twitter that sourced everything to follow in one place.
One of the biggest obstacles with advocacy is that it often means you're fighting from a weaker position, as in, it's not uncommon for change to be made because of necessity instead of r/morality. When it comes to advocating against corporate boondoggling, often change would only ultimately be recognized after corporate partners disagree with the decision and decide to withdraw, and that's where the adventure really began.
It was fantastic and encouraging to see many corporate allies of the LGBTQ+ community stand in r/Solidarity with us and denounce the decision made by Energy 106 FM, or more specifically, the Evanov Radio Group. During the unrest, some threads on Twitter uncovered that Dave Wheeler was hired with the approval of Paul Evanov himself, which he shared during one of his podcast episodes of Wheeler After Dark.
I still have conflicted feelings about that. How does Paul Evanov, whose father Bill developed the world's first 100% LGBT front-to-back radio station, who passed away on February 28, 2020, personally approve this hire, affirm support by a PR firm (of which I have solid hunches about but am still piecing it together), and be OK with this? Why does Wheeler say in that soundbite that "they're ready" now? I can't imagine what the delay would have been unless we think of crazy supervillain vibes where Paul was waiting for all the legal stuff about Bill to be finished. Dave was unemployed for two years. Was Adam asking Paul to ask Bill to give Dave a job for two years, and now that Daddy's out of the picture, Paul can finally be the one to say yes? How does any leadership in an organization with a globally accessible r/LGBT-focused radio station that is one of their jewels completely overlook the responsibility of public atonement at a value greater than public shaming, or more accurately disregard its importance? It's completely baffling but truly represents again what life is like with privilege.
I completely understand that Wheeler's termination from his last station wasn't without controversy, but what feels like something completely overlooked is that Dave spoke his language with fluidity. He utilized an opportunity to share unfiltered thoughts AND get paid for them. That's a privilege. The idea of speaking your beliefs for personal gain with no disregard for hurt or harm: that's a privilege.
To get the opportunity to have a public voice again, especially now targeted TOWARDS the demographic whom the hateful and dehumanizing speech has harmed without any sign of public grief or atonement: that's a privilege. To expect forgiveness and acceptance instead of earning forgiveness and trust: that's a privilege.
That's why I advocate. The message that your privilege will protect you and anyone lesser has to fight for r/equality continues to be too strong, too frequent, and too deadly.
What had me so confused, if not frustrated, was how the hire raised concerns of transphobia and other forms of discrimination such as racism and sexism. One of the most ... eye-opening ... experiences was Adam's response to me in one of our meetings where he affirmed that he didn't believe "Black Olives Matter" (Starting at ~16:44) was racism.
Adam's argument to me was that Dave is a comedian, so this should be considered a parody. I am not a person of colour by any stretch to know what racism feels like directly, but for him to flatly reject the message that has been spoken LOUDLY by our BIPOC community showed, again, privilege and another reason why I have to keep fighting. What's baffling is that the podcast episode with the "parody" was uploaded on August 14, 2020 ... only TWO WEEKS before Energy released their "Official Statement" defending their hire. Further examples of racism were brought up by other members of our community, such as a podcast episode validating Blackface (starting at ~35:20, released on May 27, 2020, two days after George Floyd was murdered, and with no hesitation to shame the "woke" generation), the anti-Indigenous parody of the Wet'suwet'en protests on February 21, 2020 (plus referencing to the protest as looking like an anus), and validating police brutality to the death of Eishia Hudson (the 16-year-old Indigenous teen who was shot dead on April 16, 2020).
He's stated and defended that he "has done much work" since getting fired, but I'm struggling to see where it has even started. I am at an absolute loss when it comes to seeing how this history is even close to being welcome at a self-professed LGBTQ+-friendly station, especially considering they fired a woman who was an advocate for the LGBTQ+ community to make space for him and another woman. His personal "Wheeler After Dark!" podcast describes the episodes as "not intended for those easily offended by adult themes, spicy language, satire, dark humour, etc... If you're a kid... You likely shouldn't be listening to this, but you should tell your parents too. They'd find it hilarious!"
Being an ally doesn't have on-and-off "modes." You can't be a representative of allyship when you're under someone else's watch, especially while under someone else's salary. Allyship is an authentic effort from the heart. It isn't always flawless, and it isn't always life-possessing, but the motivation has to come from within yourself, and it absolutely must represent your honest values. It absolutely stuns me about how Energy 106 FM, and more specifically the Evanov Radio Group, is completely dense to the insensitivity caused by their hire and exceptionally so by standing behind it. The responsibility of being an ally is not to be taken lightly. Otherwise, the actions will be exposed and shown to be performative activism for personal gain. As such, I continued (and continue) to advocate. Our minority communities have been run over far too frequently to stand aside from reckless privilege.
A few weeks after it was clear that Energy was firm in their decision, I decided it was time to get even more involved.
I was right on the cusp of socially transitioning to full-time and used that moment as a chapter in my life to show I'm taking advocating for what's right seriously and have been on it since.
One of my most important processes was identifying business affiliates with the radio group. While it started with raising awareness to direct advertisers and implore them to assess their values, see if they are in line with the decisions at Energy, and withdraw their advertising if they don't support it. Many advertisers pulled, which was wonderful to see as support, but I personally had a fire ignited after I came across a video from Wheeler in the Morning parodying transgender people.
The video has since been set to private, and in one of the meetings I had with Tyler, he explained the video was set to private after I called it out because of the aforementioned legal dispute. Regardless, I advised that setting it to private doesn't address the existing video. The message of setting it to private is, "Oh, this is worth keeping, but you're not supposed to see it, though." I advised him to have someone on Energy's Twitter account acknowledge my post with that exact remark about legal, to do something that represents anything close to allyship instead of continuing to be deflective and secretive.
Regardless, when I saw that video for the first time, the comments had a description that lit me up more than ever. "Superheroes... Every last one of 'em."
Between my parents responding exactly as I expected when I came out to them (who I still have not heard from them to this day, and we're going on about 3m1w at the time of this post), plus Energy and Evanov clearly embracing their decision, my fire has been lit more than ever. This world has never experienced as strong as a version of me, and I have barely teased my potential. I decided that Energy is not enough. If Paul Evanov decided to sign off on it, Tyler picks up an additional role in the Evanov Radio Group with a segment on the aforementioned radio station PROUD FM, and there is zero suggestion they are reconsidering their decisions, I decided the right way to gain awareness was to expand deeper into the radio group. I decided that it was time to address advertisers and any visible business associates with Energy 106 FM, Hot 100.5 FM, CKJS 810 AM, and PROUD FM.
Ever since I started to advocate for this project, I was certain that Energy 106 muted me. If they blocked me, I would have seen it, but I would have had no idea if they muted me. However, I realized eventually that Energy did, in fact, have the ability to see my mentions and replies the whole time.
I blocked out what Matt mentioned as sensitivity to his message, but it seems he chose to engage it further. He chose to react to a post on Energy's account regarding a pizza promotion, and a picture he used on the post was one of him and his child. It was Energy's account, and I questioned their promotion sponsor, but what ultimately transpired was Matt's wife deciding to ... well, here. This is not the right place or time for me to describe how I interpret that behaviour.
That's not to say that Energy or any accomplices haven't been aware of my advocacy otherwise. From Day 1 (or as close to it that I can imagine), AJ blocked me for whatever reason but had no problem following a conversation I had involving a business partner to PROUD FM and throwing likes to the counterpoints of mine.
Of course, sometimes the main account will make accidents, but I had no problem capturing it. Why would they continue to be silent when they insist on being "allies?"
I have shown with more than enough character and conviction that I know what I'm doing, I know what I'm talking about, and I'm fighting so that we don't need to keep fighting in the future. I advocate strongly for mental health awareness and do my best to engage as much as possible with patience and objective reasoning. People have asked if it's OK to come out to me in private messages because they felt there was a safe space. I have had businesses reach out to me about various topics and including what could be an appropriate course of action with some of their decisions so that they continue to represent themselves as strong corporate r/allies. I have lost track of the amount of praise, r/gratitude, and r/encouragement from so many people in our community. I have had mindful conversations with people immensely frustrated with racism and white supremacy. I have had compassionate conversations with people who want to be allies and are unsure of what to do. I have had educational conversations with people about what a trans experience may be like, and I have had many wonderful conversations with trans people of various backgrounds and experiences and shared stories about our journeys. I have had conversations with people who have felt inspired by me, I have had conversations with people who were feeling unwell, and I have had conversations to the point of committing time and awareness with people who were feeling suicidal so that we could get through the moment and work on recovery strategies.
That's not to say that it hasn't been without its challenges, but it has led to some awareness as well! After about a month of constant backlash since sticking to their hire, Energy posted a podcast episode Tyler did with a local podcast group, Winnipeg's Finest, which would, to me, suggest that Energy shares the same perspective and sentiments he shared. I felt it was a good opportunity to express frustration about not being allowed to discuss these changes after being force-told to forgive a transphobic, sexist, racist bigot. The podcast inspired me to respond with a video of my own, as a matter of fact. After listening to the podcast a couple of times, I decided to record a YouTube video, completely unfiltered and unedited, pausing at every talking point that contradicted an experience, questioning bias, etc. The video took me hours! 5 hours, actually! It was my very first time on r/YouTube too! I felt I had no time to waste and took a huge gamble on how it came out, but I feel really proud of myself for what I did! I made sure to include chapter markers of every talking point, and ... gosh, there were lots.
As I said, it hasn't been without its challenges, that's for sure. Cranking up the advocacy absolutely raised the eyebrows of many for both good and, let's call it, "uneducated" reasons. I'm very grateful to be part of a community that helps support each other, especially when there is a serious social concern in the works. I feel especially grateful to be a recognizable and trusted person during this entire adventure, and I truly would never wish to have taken a different path. Even though I believe that Adam and Tyler only agreed to speak with me out of obligation to a CBSC "Complaint re ENERGY 106 CHWE-FM Broadcast" (even though it was never addressed as a reason but the timing to start talking and the dis-interest of engaging in r/Zoom conversations when r/COVID19 restrictions ramped up feel incredibly coincidental), I did do my best to be a helpful liaison between the radio station and our LGBTQ+ community.
I started and maintained a thread about what allyship looks like to people and what it would take to see Energy 106 FM as an ally again.
For that project alone, I went as far back into relevant time as I could and tried to connect with nearly every user I could find that reacted to Energy 106 FM hiring Dave Wheeler. Loose math from my notes suggests I have tried to connect with about 1600 people, and I have personally DM'd about 750 people, and every last piece of feedback has been included in the thread. In my last meeting at Energy, Megan told me that she has been following the entire thread, so I had an affirmation that the effort has been acknowledged.
Unfortunately, that's also about where it ended. While the start of my emails and correspondence was pleasant and positive communication, it didn't take too long to redirect the focus to some rather important discussion pieces. Since hiring Dave and promoting Wheeler In The Morning as their new morning show, it's evident that they have enabled a safe space for an extremely far-right culture, including white supremacy, transphobia, racism, and general disrespect for human decency. There has been stalking, doxing, libel, cyberbullying, and an absolute maelstrom of right-wing chaos and panic.
It has been incredibly baffling how Adam and Energy were literally offered an example of a script to stay engaged, not overpromise their direction while denouncing all the values that authentic allies fight against. They decided to ignore all that and ask for everyone to "be kind." If that doesn't have "stand back and standby" written all over it, I don't know what does.
So, this is the part where I ask for r/feedback! I have a few considerations in my mind so far, but I am curious about the next part of my journey. I know I'm going to continue to raise awareness of the situation to any visible business affiliates, and likely I will up the ante now to all Evanov Radio Group stations from coast to coast. As a matter of fact, I will be including affiliates to the Winnipeg Goldeyes as well because they censored me when I asked them about their values compared to their affiliation with Energy 106 FM.
As a trans r/athlete, the simple concept of our local r/AAbaseball team promoting Diversity Day in the past but censoring me about their values towards diversity, inclusion, and equity disgusted me and prompted me to throw my jersey in the garbage immediately. I will never wear a Goldeyes jersey again, especially if they don't respond to my questions.
See, I know what I'm doing is powerful, successful, and fearful. Why else would the Wheeler-in-the-Morning-Fanclub cry to Twitter to suspend my account?
That is arguably one of the most flattering things to come my way, to know that I am the haunting reason for people who are so insecure with themselves they have become possessed and obsessed with my existence, and know they are utterly desperate to silence me during my advocacy about trans rights and fundamentally basic r/humanrights means WHAT I AM DOING IS WORKING AND I WILL NOT QUIT. I must express reservations about Twitter's judgment, however. Oh well. I will earn the blue star, I will be verified, and I WILL bring our trans community to a safer, healthier place.
This cycles back to see what feedback is available. I firmly believe these accounts are affiliated with Energy 106 FM or the Evanov Radio Group as a whole. The biggest reason it comes to mind is based on three things: 1) One of the main antagonists has an account that opened in September 2020, shortly after Dave Wheeler deleted his own account and targeted a tweet I commented on.
2) After my last meeting at Energy, Adam affirmed that "he'll take care of them" when I told him that the little band waving Energy's flag is doing nothing but making his brand look worse because they are absolutely not doing anything to me. I noticed a near-immediate decline in activity from the fun club for a small period of time and struggled to believe that wasn't as per Adam's memo. Add the fact that Tyler affirmed to me that he would publicly denounce their behaviour, which has not happened either. So, Energy, Adam, and Tyler have all the means to blatantly denounce white supremacy, harassment, racism, transphobia, r/doxxing, r/stalking, libel, defamation, and so on ... yet completely refuse to. What other option can it be?
3) This is a little too coincidental, and if it was done "in satire because Dave is a comedian" (as per Adam), then it shows they are aware of the situation and continue to refuse to address it.
I find it interesting that these accounts have a massive obsession with broadcasting far-right political beliefs and stalking me. Feel free to see for yourself about the obsession since the end of September for all these folks:
BigFonker21, Gazoo, Brittany Anne, Nicholas1226, a, Hanz Rules!, Trevor Phillips, and an obsessive amount of boosting from Boo. I'm sure there are more like The Girl In Line - Blog and Zachary Swan, but if I really wanted to look for Cancer, I'd rather go r/stargazing. Let's also remember that these are simply about things I see directly. More than enough peers have told me that this crowd stalks them but peculiarly blocks those same peers if they don't get the reaction they want.
What's especially curious about the situation is that while these users are beyond obsessed with me and have lept over so many lines, I still have no reason to believe that it's not within the Evanov Radio Group, and of all things they even have my home address which I needed to include when I wrote my concern to CBSC, so at what point am I not to feel as if Adam or Dave would not use it out of vengeance against me by the time I am done advocating against Evanov Radio Group and their perpetual injustices? People may ask why I shared my address, and the answer is to continue to be open, transparent, and show validity that Energy is a local radio station that is poisoning my local community. People ask why don't I block the aforementioned users, and the answer is because they are not hurting me. Everything they are doing does nothing but make Energy look worse, make Evanov look like an even more pathetic radio group, and every last itch and twitch they do to upset me does nothing but empower me, inspire me, and give me more to work with. Our community has far too many people suffering from discrimination, harassment, sexual harassment, r/bullying, r/cyberbullying, transphobia, racism, stalking, and so much more. I have the means and the mental health strength to absorb all of their hatred and ignorance and show it to people who are in positions to make a change. It is dangerous and deadly. I can not and will not be broken, and that is why I allow these users to continue to try to break me because all they are doing is making this fire inside of me brighter, stronger, more fierce, and ultimately more beautiful. I will not quit.
So, as I've mentioned, I would love to hear your feedback about what you think appropriate courses of action would be! Remember that I'm from r/Canada, from Manitoba, to be more specific, so if you have any feedback that is jurisdiction-specific, that may be relevant to your consideration!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! Happy Trans Awareness Week! 💖
~ Taylor (she/her/hers)
